


Remember the Good and the Bad

by DancingWithWildWolves



Series: 12 Days of Winter [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Gen, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Leukemia, Sad, happy ish ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 08:11:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13003527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingWithWildWolves/pseuds/DancingWithWildWolves
Summary: Being at the hospital at Christmas time is difficult for Leon, he's reminded of so many Christmases that he spent carefully sitting on his little sister's bed and trying not to bump her even though Papa had said Kim was okay, it was only a little problem and Leon being there would help.





	Remember the Good and the Bad

  
Being at the hospital at Christmas time is difficult for Leon, he's reminded of so many Christmases that he spent carefully sitting on his little sister's bed and trying not to bump her even though Papa had said Kim was okay, it was only a little problem and Leon being there would help.

He knows now that it wasn't really a little problem, leukemia never is. But back then, he'd believed everything Mama and Papa told him without questioning.

Handing out toys for the kids is tricky because all he can think of is choosing the right toy for Kim during those years when she was in hospital more than she was home. Dolls were usually a safe bet. But as he gives the stuffed toys out, he remembers buying her a teddy bear and his even though she'd said she was too old for teddies, she had slept with it every night.

Everywhere he looks, he's reminded of her illness and even though she's all better now, something in him still hurts for her. He tries to be happy and upbeat and enjoy himself but it's exhausting and he begs out of lunch with the guys to go home and curl up quietly and stare at his phone until it's a reasonable hour in Germany.

He doesn't tell Kim why he called, just that he felt like chatting and was sad that he couldn't be home for Christmas.  
After she hangs up, because she's having lunch with her boyfriend, Leon curls tightly around a pillow and tries to bury himself a way from the outside world.

It's like an injury that will never go away, the ache that fills his chest at the thought of all that hospital time when they were kids. He dashes at his eyes angrily and growls, he's trying. Kim never seems to be upset about it but she never had to feel useless because she couldn't protect her baby sister from her own immune system.

Leon can't get the image of eight year old Kim with short fluffy hair tucked under a Santa hat, all pale and drawn but smiling for the camera. Ten year old Leon hovering nearby, anxious to make everything better and good. Kim smiled a lot, even then, but Leon could remember easily how pinched and worried he always looked. It's hard to forget when Mama collected all the photos because "they had to remember good and bad times alike, so that they could always be grateful for what they had."

A sob tears it's way from Leon's chest and he curls up further, trying to hide from the double sword of homesickness and memory.  
He's focusing so hard on trying to calm his panicked breathing that he doesn't notice the sound of some one moving around his apartment until the some one is rubbing his back and coaxing him to breathe more steadily.

He lets Lars, of course it's Lars, guide him up and against the headboard, not pushing him, giving him room but also being there for him.  
Eventually the panicked tears slow, and his breathing evens out, leaving behind a bone heavy exhaustion.  
"Its okay, you're alright, I've got you, Alskling." Lars is speaking slow a gentle, a mantra of reassurance and care that has Leon relaxing enough to lean against him.

"It's hard, being at the hospital. Makes me think of when I was little and Kim was the one in hospital," he offers up, needing to explain himself to Adam.  
"That's rough, but you did really well to get through it. Do you want to talk? Or I can order take out and we can watch that German soap you love?"  
"Maybe we can talk later?"  
"I'll call for Thai then. You go wash your face and put some pyjamas on."  
Leon loves that Lars doesn't push him, just lets him go at his own pace and work things out as he goes.

He also loves that Adam knows that he doesn't want space after a breakdown and that as soon as he's on the couch, he's tucked under Adam's arm and a lull of German washes over him.

They'll talk about it later and Lars will try and get him to talk to his parents about it or tell PR so he doesn't have to come next year but for now, Leon can revel in the comfort of a tv show that reminds him of home and Adam's solid friendship.


End file.
